When I first started brainstorming for this article, I thought of doing the age old match up Mark Wahlberg vs. Chuck Norris but then I realized that Chuck Norris is almost 71 years old! Do you realize that? The man is 71 years old and still looks like he could karate through an episode of Power Rangers: Lost in Texas with his beard tied behind his back. Anyway, I figured I’d go a different, less traveled route and take two men at the height of professional careers. Two Grade-A bosses who don’t take no fluff from no one! Who would win in a fight between these two stars? Place your bets cause it’s about to go down!
Physical Intimidation:
Yeah okay so we all knew that Lil Wayne was kind of on the smaller size but Mark Wahlberg? The guy is only is only like 5’9” and 175 pounds. Now granted that is his pre Fighter weight but still! He does however tower over Lil Wayne who is 5’5” and about 145 pounds. Alert the Lollipop Guild because it’s goin’ down in Munchkin City!
Advantage: Mark Wahlberg
Aliases:
Lil Wayne’s real name is Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. He is also known as Lil Weezy which anytime that a name brings thoughts of asthma attacks is never good when it comes to physical activity.
Mark’s full name is Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg. Remember his rapping career though where he was known as the talented Marky Mark. Ahh, 80’s white rapper’s stage names, you’re so vanilla.
Advantage: Lil Wayne
Street Cred:
Without going into too much detail here, Wahlberg has a rap sheet about as long as the last hour of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. You know the part I’m talking about. It’s when Sauron has been vanquished; the Ring has been thrown into Mount Doom, and Frodo and Sam have been rescued by Gandolf on the giant eagle which you wonder why that wasn’t used to just whisk our heroes up to the volcano in the first place. The movie is over except for an hour of smiles and hugs. I never thought I’d get out of that theater… Getting back to the matter at hand though, Wahlberg has done a lot. He’s served some jail time which is where he realized that his life was obviously going the wrong way and turned a complete 180 becoming the man he is today.
For Lil Wayne we all know about the drugs and the weapon’s charges that eventually landed him in prison. He grew up in the 17th Ward of New Orleans which credit is due for becoming as famous and well-off as he is today considering where he came from. All in all though these guys had tough upbringings and I really can’t come away with an edge in this one.
Advantage: Draw
Music Career:
I don’t know what this has to do with physical confrontation but we’re gonna cover it. Mark Wahlberg was an original member of New Kids on the Block. Imagine if he had never gone solo and started recording as Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch! We might still be feeling the repercussions of missing out on those two songs. We would also be missing out on the video game Marky Mark: Make My Video, widely regarded as one of the worst video games ever.
Lil Wayne. You ever heard of him? Like seriously, if hip hop is dead he actually is the embalming fluid. He is not a human being! He is Tha Carter I,II, and III! Okay that’s enough; I mean two lyric references and technically four album title references is enough. Pretty fly for a white guy.
Advantage: Lil Wayne
Movie Career:
It’s only fair that we do this for Marky Mark’s sake. Wahlberg’s characters are just about as tough as he his. Maybe a better post would be a fight between Charlie Croker and Bob Lee Swagger; or Micky Ward and Vince Papale; or Sean Dignam and Bobby Mercer; or…okay you get the picture. Mark Wahlberg will probably be growing a beard and playing Chuck Norris in his biographical movie Cracking Skulls and Taking Names.
Other than a couple of appearances on ESPN and The View and of course his music videos, Lil Wayne has pretty much avoided the screen. Sorry Carter, this one goes to tha Golden Globe nominee.
Advantage: Mark Wahlberg
Fighting Skills:
Have you seen The Fighter? I haven’t, but I assume it’s about fighting. I think out of all the training for various movies Wahlberg has done, he has picked some kind of fighting skills somewhere along the line. I mean the guy is huge for someone that’s only 5’ 9”.
I’m sure Lil Wayne can fight too I just have never seen it. I imagine he’s a very scrappy, bulldog mentality fighter.
Advantage: Mark Wahlberg
Results:
Well, categorically Mark wins out 3-2 and I’ve got to say that the three categories in which he won (physical intimidation, movie career and fighting ability) all have something to do with fighting. I just don’t think that Lil Wayne would be able to overcome the four inch height difference and 30 pounds of pure muscle. I have to give this win to Mark Wahlberg. Now a rap battle…? That could be close. The song stylings of Marky Mark could surprise.
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