iPod Bracketology

            With the beginning of March Madness only a few weeks away and the fact that "Eight embarrassing songs on my iPod..." was such a hit I thought I’d do a little tournament of my own. Everyone just loves making those fun little brackets. Only one bracket, because if you make multiple brackets and enter them into the same pool, such as ESPN’s, then your mancard is automatically revoked and you must stand on a pedestal in the middle of your town square with a sign reading “Bet-Hedger” hanging around your neck. Stand by your predictions folks!

Due to the fact I have like 300 artists in my iTunes library

I’m not going to let just anyone in. There are only 16 coveted spots in this battle royale and I’m not going to let someone in just because they whined the most. Sorry Hokie fans. Zing. Qualification number one: I must have at least three songs of their music. Two: Being featured does not count. Lil Wayne, I’m looking at you. And three: I may not always be right but I am never wrong. Don’t glitch just because I didn’t pick you to win Kanye. And don’t judge about who made it in the tournament. Remember…I’m not always the one that picks the music on my iTunes.

 In terms of format this is single elimination…I don’t have all day to dream up absurd musical warfare. Now, let’s turn my iTunes into a musical battlefield… battlefield… battlefield. Sorry, just channeling my inner Jordin Sparks in preparation.

Round 1

1. Taylor Swift vs. 16. Passion Pit

I really hate to knock Passion Pit out this early in the tournament but they drew a bad card. Having to face Taylor Swift in the first round is just bad luck. Had they gone up against just about anyone else in the tournament I think they might have been able to score an upset. I mean it is Taylor Swift. I’ve seen her in concert like twice and she killed it both times.

Winner: Taylor Swift

9. Beastie Boys vs. 8. Miley Cyrus

            Okay, one I can see you judging and it’s not appreciated. I really am not sure how Miley was seeded ahead of the Beastie Boys but come on its just one seed. Sometimes the selection committee just makes a pick that leaves you scratching your head. Its not like I’m gonna let her out of the first round anyway. The Beastie Boys just fight too hard for their right to win and completely tame the beast which is Miley.

Winner: Beastie Boys

4. Lil Wayne vs. 13. Johnny Cash

            This is probably by far the best matchup of Round 1; two legendary stars that have dominated their eras and have transcended their genres. I really hate to do this to the Man in Black but Lil Wayne has been featured in just too many songs for it not to count for something.

Winner: Lil Wayne

5. Bon Jovi vs. 12. Justin Bieber

            Two of the greatest hairstyles ever! Who will forget the power mullet which Jon Bon Jovi and company rocked in the 80’s. And now with rumors that Justin Bieber has cut his trademark swirl, look for his shining star to fall. We’re all going to find out that Bieber Fever was just some indigestion which any old bad medicine could cure.

Winner: Bon Jovi

2. The Beatles vs. 15. Journey

As much as I love Journey and “Open Arms” is this really much of a contest? I mean it’s the Beatles for crying out loud. Remember that Journey is responsible for one of the worst produced music videos in “Separate Ways” as incredible of a song that is.

Winner: The Beatles

10. Backstreet Boys vs. 7. Nelly

            I have to admit…this one is tough. Maybe if Justin Timberlake had been in the Backstreet Boys instead of *NSYNC then they’d have the edge here. However, “Heart of a Champion” pumps me up like no other, and have you seen Nelly play softball? He mashes!

Winner: Nelly

3. The Lonely Island vs. 14. Jonas Brothers

            Again, I feel the judging and it is not constructive. As much as I would like to have a Swift vs. Jonas cage match somewhere down the road, its not going to happen. The Lonely Island is just too hilarious and random for me to ever, ever pick a boy “band?” ahead of them.

Winner: The Lonely Island

11. AC/DC vs. 6. The Temptations

            Have you ever been to a sporting event and not heard like at least five AC/DC songs. I don’t care who you are, you get pumped up when you here that church bell gonging. I love the Temptations, David Ruffin is great, but they just can’t measure up to a band whose music goes so well with destroying terrorism in a giant iron suit. AC/DC scores the upset.

Winner: AC/DC

Round 2

1. Taylor Swift vs. 9. Beastie Boys

            Umm, Taylor all the way. Sorry, I just can’t bring myself to knock her out of any competition.

Winner: Taylor Swift

4. Lil Wayne vs. 5. Bon Jovi

            This one is tough, could go either way. I’m gonna go with the power ballad on this one. It’s just so much more fun to belt out “Livin’ On a Prayer” than it is to listen to the clean, practically instrumental version of “We Be Steady Mobbin’”.

Winner: Bon Jovi

2. The Beatles vs. 7. Nelly

           

            Will future generations be singing “Grillz”? Will we be riding around in our hovercars at 70, with our grandchildren in the backseat with “Hot in Herre” blasting out of the speakers? As much as I look forward to that image, the Beatles win this one easily.

Winner: The Beatles

3. The Lonely Island vs. 11. AC/DC

            Hilarity vs. adrenaline rush? Is there a song from the Lonely Island which you have not laughed at? Is there a song from AC/DC that has not made you want to run through a brick wall? They are just so good at what they do and yet…I love a good Cinderella story.

Winner: AC/DC

Semi-final

1. Taylor Swift vs. 5. Bon Jovi

            I think anyone who knows me even reasonably well knows where this one is going…

Winner: Taylor Swift

2. The Beatles vs. 11. AC/DC

            This is another tough one. As many hits as the Beatles have had, is it enough to stop this unlikely run of the eleven seed? I’d have to say yes. It’s the Beatles! I mean is there a college offering a masters program in AC/DCology? No. The Beatles? Yes! See link here. That’s how freaking transcendent these guys are and how no reasonable person could place anyone ahead of them.

Winner: The Beatles

Final

1. Taylor Swift vs. 2. The Beatles

            Remember how I said no reasonable person could place anyone ahead of the Beatles? Yeah, I’m not reasonable. I’m a real boy with emotions and blood! I cry when I watch Old Yeller! Taylor Swift has a special place in my heart. She is the songbird of our generation and nothing can change that. So there!

Winner: Taylor Swift