The Best Disney Songs.

Wow. I just realized that I haven’t hit upon a goldmine of blog material! Disney! I mean, there’s so much to write about, timeless fairytale characters, how Simba means “lion” in Swahili (I mean really Disney, you couldn’t be more creative than that?), and how D.J. Tanner’s boyfriend is the voice of Aladdin. So much to write about I may just become an exclusive Disney blog. We’ll see; I’m not going to commit to anything quite yet. Anyway, what better place to start than songs which many of us could sing before we knew how to tie our shoes? Timeless classics whose lyrics will forever be engrained into our minds right between those of the Pokerap and the Oscar Meyer song; how can we forget?

The Ultimate Pokemon Lineup

So I’ve been gone for a week and a half and I can already feel your judgment being poured upon me. Sorry that I’ve left you checking each and every day, hoping and praying that I’ve posted something new only to make you feel as if your heart has been dropped into a bucket of boiling tears when you realize there is nothing new. I truly am sorry but it’s a thing called Spring Break and I celebrate such a holiday very seriously. But now I’m back and you can rejoice in the fact that there will in fact be a new post below this rambling.

So on top of all the judging I’m feeling from now posting for two weeks is the fact that the title of this post is “The Ultimate Pokemon Lineup”. Let me just tell you this you faux child of the 90’s: you are a poser who I’m pretty sure only faked their way through the decade of your childhood and you should be forced to take the place of Stoop Kid!

PDA

We’re all guilty of it at some time in our lives. We’re all guilty of making fun of it at some time in our lives. At its worst it’s like a bad car wreck: you want to look away but you can’t because it somehow affects your life directly. At its best it’s like a bad car wreck: you want to look away but you can’t because it somehow affects your life directly.

Ranking Little Debbie snack foods.

I remember the first Little Debbie product I ever ate. It was a Swiss Roll and it was as incredible as the heavenly, mountainous background on the box indicated. I’m not entirely sure how old I was. Maybe like five or six? My mom protected us from such heathen things as sugar and the “Rugrats” until about the age of seven, so any treats such as these were few and far between. Actually, she would buy Swiss Rolls or Oatmeal Crème Pies for herself and it was my job to find where she hid them. In twenty years I have found every hiding place in the house which she has used; whether she knows I’ve found them or not. I’ve even found a couple of places which
she forgot about (there’s a bag of eight year old lollipops in the old clothes hamper on the upper shelf of the laundry room).

iPod Bracketology

            With the beginning of March Madness only a few weeks away and the fact that "Eight embarrassing songs on my iPod..." was such a hit I thought I’d do a little tournament of my own. Everyone just loves making those fun little brackets. Only one bracket, because if you make multiple brackets and enter them into the same pool, such as ESPN’s, then your mancard is automatically revoked and you must stand on a pedestal in the middle of your town square with a sign reading “Bet-Hedger” hanging around your neck. Stand by your predictions folks!

Due to the fact I have like 300 artists in my iTunes library

Darkside Wig Wam

Well this one is a bit overdue but its time to answer the mystery behind the title of this blog. It’s actually pretty simple. I live on the Darkside of Radford. It’s named as such because there are very few streetlights. Hence, dark. Also Star Wars is awesome and everyone secretly would rather be a Sith Lord than a Jedi.

            Wig wam because my apartment is about the size of a Native American dwelling, or, wig wam. That’s all. Sorry if I disappoint but there is no life story to go along with the title. I would have had a regular post today trying to clean up Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em’s music’s lyrics but that was scrapped due to the fact that that is dern near impossibly.

Three things I didn’t do in my past and how they might have turned out.

We all have them. Those opportunities which we wished we had taken that we never did for some reason or another. We all dream about what might have been.  What might have happened if I got onto that alien spacecraft? What might have happened if I didn’t wash my first Kindle in the washing machine? What if I had turned left at that stop sign at 3:44 p.m. last Monday instead of right? I don’t know. It’s fun to think how our most seemingly insignificant decisions affect the rest of the world. For instance, because I ate a bagel with cream cheese this morning eventually the United States will be overrun by machine gun wielding cows and their

Mark Wahlberg vs. Lil Wayne

When I first started brainstorming for this article, I thought of doing the age old match up Mark Wahlberg vs. Chuck Norris but then I realized that Chuck Norris is almost 71 years old! Do you realize that? The man is 71 years old and still looks like he could karate through an episode of Power Rangers: Lost in Texas with his beard tied behind his back. Anyway, I figured I’d go a different, less traveled route and take two men at the height of professional careers. Two Grade-A bosses who don’t take no fluff from no one! Who would win in a fight between these two stars? Place your bets cause it’s about to go down!

Top six questions asked by the public when reenacting.

As some of you may know I reenact the Civil War. You know those guys that go out on weekends and “play soldier”? That’s me, and although I think it’s important to remember our past and the men who fought for the country that we live in today I know it is a very unique, border-line crazy hobby for anyone to be a part of. You’re not telling me anything new there: I am crazy.

Anyway, I reenact with the 8^th Virginia Infantry, Co. F & I. I’ve been reenacting since I was 12 years old, so this is my ninth year donning the butternut uniform (I haven’t washed my clothes in that time period… or any other. Time travel joke, nailed it. Only a matter of time. Aayo, pun!). I’ve encountered a whole lot of people during that time and ironically enough it’s the normal people in the modern clothes who entertain me the most. So in honor of my ninth year reenacting and it being the beginning of the sesquicentennial (150 year anniversary) of the Civil War here are six questions you’ve always wanted to ask reenactors or actually have and my ridiculously sarcastic responses to them:

Eight embarrassing songs on my iPod and the explanations for their presence.

Everyone has them. Those songs on their iPod that you skip over if there is anyone else in the car with you but if you’re alone you belt them out as if you were on stage in front of fifty thousand screaming fans. When people do catch them as they are skimming your iTunes you make up some lame excuse like your little sister put them on there and you like never listen to them. When those same people ask you why those same songs are on your “Top 25 Most Played” you quickly change the subject as if nothing is wrong with having seven Miley Cyrus songs in your iTunes library. Before you jump to conclusions though I would like to say that only one of the eight songs on this list is in my Top 25 and it ranks at a lowly 21.

This list is ten songs on my iPod which really have no business in being there but are anyway. These are my Confessions:

1. One Time – Justin Bieber

An Oldie But Goody: My Girl

I've already had a new post today so in celebration of Valentine's Day and in case you missed it back in April of last year, I'm bringing back my most successful post from WKOBIB. Enjoy:


I think everyone has this image they have built in their heads of their perfect significant other. Right? I mean I'm not the only freak whose done this right? Well, I at the age of 19 I have done a ridiculously girly thing for your comedic enjoyment, and created this expansive list. So here is my 12 point, rigidly nonnegotiable list of what I am looking for in a significant other. Ok, so really only #1 and #12 are the only deal breakers (Don't scroll down to read #12 right now either because I know that's what you are doing...wait like everyone else). The others can be worked on. And if you know anyone ;) ....

Alabama Quarterback Preview

            Following the 2008 season, Alabama said goodbye to quarterback John Parker Wilson. Wilson’s tenure as starting quarterback encompassed a time in Alabama football history that contains some of the most tumultuous years in the history of the program. He started for two different head coaches (Shula 2006, Saban 2007-2008) and though at times impressed, much of the Crimson Tide fan-base wanted someone else to step up and step in behind center. No one ever displaced him and in 2008 we saw the maturation of a quarterback when Wilson led the Tide to a surprising 12-2 season.

            In the Iron Bowl of that season we caught a glimpse of who would eventually succeed John Parker as quarterback of Alabama. With the Tide up 29-0, redshirt sophomore Greg McElroy stepped in behind center. Just a few plays in, McElroy threw a perfectly placed bomb to wide receiver Marquise Maze in the end zone to bring the score to the final of 36-0. Starting in the spring of 2009, McElroy grabbed a hold of the starting position and never let go. Although struggling for a couple of games during the 2009 season he was able to lead the Tide to a perfect 14-0 record, winning a SEC and BCS championship titles and garnishing SEC Championship Game MVP honors along the way. In 2010, while trying to compensate for an inexperienced defense and a subpar performance from the offensive line the Tide was only able to put together a not too shabby 10-3 record and a Capital One Bowl appearance.

            Alabama loses a starter at quarterback who put together a 24-3 starting record in two years. Not only was McElroy a great leader on the field but also has been the face of program the past two years, making appearances on ESPN look like a walk in the park. The next quarterback of the Tide will be stepping into very big shoes. Coach Saban and his staff will attempt to alleviate the pressure on the incumbent; however, the new signal-caller will need to be able to win games should the running game be shut down.

Hi!

    Do you ever wonder how you start off the first post of a blog? I have. I am right now actually. It’s awkward because no one really knows what the reason is you are blogging. What are you going to write about? Why are you starting a new blog when you already had a perfectly adequate blog. Like Scarlett Johansson in Home Alone and Harrison Ford playing a Nazi youth in some movie I don’t know the title of, we all have early projects which very few know about and which we’d like to forget. The “What Kind of Bear is Best?” Blog accomplished the goal it set out to do: get a girlfriend. Okay, that’s not really true but it did get me a girlfriend. If you don’t believe me, ask her. She only is dating me because of my writing. Anyway, in light of this new year (and yes it was the Chinese New Year Thursday, its like the Year of the Raichu or something) I am committing to a new level of excellence!  Just like everyone looking forward through a new year and envisioning wash-board abs and wedding bells, I am envisioning greatness for this web address. I’m talking mind-blowing blogposts on the hour, every hour and a million views per post. Yeah, this is going to be awesome. Realistically though, we all know that’s not going to happen. At least we know that I won’t be posting ever hour on the hour. A million views per post, well that’s probably going to happen. So let me welcome you officially to the portal to my brain. I’m going to write about whatever I want. Sports, news, random thoughts; it’s all gonna be here. So enjoy.