Ranking Little Debbie snack foods.

I remember the first Little Debbie product I ever ate. It was a Swiss Roll and it was as incredible as the heavenly, mountainous background on the box indicated. I’m not entirely sure how old I was. Maybe like five or six? My mom protected us from such heathen things as sugar and the “Rugrats” until about the age of seven, so any treats such as these were few and far between. Actually, she would buy Swiss Rolls or Oatmeal Crème Pies for herself and it was my job to find where she hid them. In twenty years I have found every hiding place in the house which she has used; whether she knows I’ve found them or not. I’ve even found a couple of places which
she forgot about (there’s a bag of eight year old lollipops in the old clothes hamper on the upper shelf of the laundry room).

            Anyway, I am convinced that there is not a product which comes out of the Stuart’s Draft, Virginia, Gentry, Arkansas, or Collegedale, Tennessee factories which tastes anywhere remotely close to bad. That is except for Marshmallow Supremes. Marshmallows are probably the most unnatural thing on this earth and God’s good creation should never be forced to assume the consistency which is the marshmallow! So, with that in mind, these are the top three Little Debbie creations:

1. Oatmeal Crème Pies

           

            I could eat a box of these in one sitting. If you have never eaten an Oatmeal Crème Pies then you are missing out. I’m not even sure what exactly makes up the crème in the pies but I am pretty sure that it’s the same thing which unicorn dreams and rainbows are made of. How can you not like a product which is so strongly endorsed by the greatest football coach in the country, Nick Saban. And I completely agree with him about the fact that you can’t get the huge, oversized ones. It’s the small ones all the way! I’m surprised that Little Debbie isn’t beating down his door for him to do commercials. Oh right, he does! 

2. Zebra Cakes

            I could eat a box of these in one sitting. These are a staple of every Young Life or Wyldlife camp trip and they usually only last about one or two days, if that. Have you ever tried to sling shot a Zebra Cake at a human at like 100 miles per hour? I have and it was awesome. Unicorn dream crème everywhere.

3. Nutty Bars

            I could eat a box of these in one sitting. Have you ever pretended that you’re Peter Pan and the Nutty Bar is your dagger? I haven’t but I was wondering if anyone had. I mean, it’s not all that out of the ordinary is it? Peter Pan makes peanut butter and a Nutty Bar is about the size of that knife he uses to fight Captain Hook. Why doesn’t Captain Hook make jelly or something? ConAgra Foods needs to get on that! Anyway, these are incredible and I have to give props to the Little Debbie website on their description: “Classic crunchy wafer bars, full of the great taste of
peanut butter enrobed in fudge.” I mean how many times have you seen the word “enrobed” being used to describe a snack food?